Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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