I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
