If i come over, it means nothing
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
