The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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