mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
