i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this will be a night to untag.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
