when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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