I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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