i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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