I just saw a hot homeless man
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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