Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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