Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
