So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
