im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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