And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
