I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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