Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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