My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
