guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
