I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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