She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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