i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
