You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
