Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
