just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
