Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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