so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
