It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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