I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Four minutes until I can fart!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
