fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
