Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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