I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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