I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
