I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
