He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
