Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
