Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
