Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
