ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
