I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
