What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
