we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
