You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
