You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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