my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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