At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
