It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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