At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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