i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
