i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
