Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
