just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am midnight drunk by noon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
